Adoption : Bringing home your bundle of love
Sunita (38) and Sandeep (42) have been married for nine years. But they have not been able to have a child naturally. Lakhs of rupees and many fertility specialists later they were getting frantic.
"We were very irritated all the time. The wait was killing us," says Sandeep. Sunita adds, "My husband and I desperately wanted to have child. So we visited many doctors for treatment. We spent almost Rs three lakh but it was taking too much time and it was still uncertain whether we would meet with success. Later, we both decided to adopt a child." She calls it the most "wise" decision she and her husband have taken ever.
They are not an isolated case. Stress and conception-unfriendly lifetsyles has meant that more and more couples are coming forward with complaints of childlessness. While infertililty among young couples in the age group 20-30 is between 10-15% it rises proportionally with increase in age. It can be as high as 25% in couples above their 30s.
"Apart from social, cultural family and peer pressure most couples on their own desire to have children. Not being able to fulfil this need, can bring not only lead to unhappiness at personal level and affect self esteem but this also strains the marriage. Moreover, in our country not being able to conceive a child is looked down upon by society. This can only add to the couples woes as everyone keeps asking them about it, "says Narendra Kinger, a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist.
Having said that, adoption is not a cake walk either. It involves a lot of paper work and the couple has to mentally prepare for the wait. Rajendra (37) and Priya (36) have been married for 13 years and just adopted a two-month-old child. "It took us four years to complete the entire adoption process and bring our daughter home. Adoption agencies can and should do better but parents need to be forewarned that the process is lengthy and can be emotionally draining," says Rajendra."But, this process has not put us off adoption and we plan to adopt another baby soon," he is quick to add.
Once the adoption process ends, it is only beginning of the actual challenge that lies ahead and being mentally prepared for it will help parents feels Kinger. "Most parents expect their children to be perfect. This issue needs to be especially addressed when adoption is concerned. You CANNOT blame the child for any shortcomings that might arise later in life. This can happened with your biological child too," he points out.
According to him, it is up to the parents whether they want to tell the child that s/he is adopted. "I feel that the children must be told about this by the time they turn six or eight. As finding it out later in life may severely affect them. It is best the children know of this from their parents than any outsider. It is better to adopt infants. If you plan on adopting an older child, try spending some time with her/him," counsels Narendra Kinger.
"We were very irritated all the time. The wait was killing us," says Sandeep. Sunita adds, "My husband and I desperately wanted to have child. So we visited many doctors for treatment. We spent almost Rs three lakh but it was taking too much time and it was still uncertain whether we would meet with success. Later, we both decided to adopt a child." She calls it the most "wise" decision she and her husband have taken ever.
They are not an isolated case. Stress and conception-unfriendly lifetsyles has meant that more and more couples are coming forward with complaints of childlessness. While infertililty among young couples in the age group 20-30 is between 10-15% it rises proportionally with increase in age. It can be as high as 25% in couples above their 30s.
"Apart from social, cultural family and peer pressure most couples on their own desire to have children. Not being able to fulfil this need, can bring not only lead to unhappiness at personal level and affect self esteem but this also strains the marriage. Moreover, in our country not being able to conceive a child is looked down upon by society. This can only add to the couples woes as everyone keeps asking them about it, "says Narendra Kinger, a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist.
Having said that, adoption is not a cake walk either. It involves a lot of paper work and the couple has to mentally prepare for the wait. Rajendra (37) and Priya (36) have been married for 13 years and just adopted a two-month-old child. "It took us four years to complete the entire adoption process and bring our daughter home. Adoption agencies can and should do better but parents need to be forewarned that the process is lengthy and can be emotionally draining," says Rajendra."But, this process has not put us off adoption and we plan to adopt another baby soon," he is quick to add.
Once the adoption process ends, it is only beginning of the actual challenge that lies ahead and being mentally prepared for it will help parents feels Kinger. "Most parents expect their children to be perfect. This issue needs to be especially addressed when adoption is concerned. You CANNOT blame the child for any shortcomings that might arise later in life. This can happened with your biological child too," he points out.
According to him, it is up to the parents whether they want to tell the child that s/he is adopted. "I feel that the children must be told about this by the time they turn six or eight. As finding it out later in life may severely affect them. It is best the children know of this from their parents than any outsider. It is better to adopt infants. If you plan on adopting an older child, try spending some time with her/him," counsels Narendra Kinger.
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