Although school is a regular part of life for children and most kids enjoy the challenges and rewards it offers, some challenges are tougher than others and they don’t come from the curriculum. By Carol Johnson.
Going to school can be wonderful for children of any age. Not only do children learn invaluable lessons and gain knowledge that will guide them through the rest of their lives, they also develop important social skills and grow emotionally and physically. The positive aspects of going to school far outweigh the negative aspects for most children. But there are some problems children often struggle with at school, and it is important for parents to prepare their children and help them learn how to handle those problems if they occur.
Everyone who has ever been a child can certainly remember knowing a child that others considered a bully. Although many people say that bullying is a normal part of childhood and "kids will be kids" after all, the problem of bullying has grown more serious and more dangerous over the past several decades. The National School Safety Center says that bullying has become a pervasive form of harassment in many schools, and teachers often don’t even know it is taking place.
Elementary-age children are the most frequent targets for bullies that are older than them. Dr. Dan Olweus, a leading expert on bullying problems children face, says that for every 10 children in school, 1 is regularly attacked either verbally or physically by a bully. Often younger children, especially children who are shy or lacking in confidence, find themselves easy marks for bullies. Parents can do several things to ensure that children know ahead of time how to handle bullying from other children.
Teach your children to be confident: Encourage your children to stand up for themselves verbally if they are confronted by someone who wants to bully them. Teach them to say no when they feel pressured or uncomfortable, and if a situation becomes threatening, to simply walk away and get help from an adult if necessary.
Teach your children never to defend themselves physically unless they are in physical danger: Children should be strongly cautioned not to ever use a weapon or fighting to react to verbal taunts from a bully. A physical response not only might make the bully more aggressive, it could result in your child being perceived as the aggressor. Instead, teach children how to express their feelings clearly, to respond to hostility calmly and verbally, or to just turn and walk away. Bullies are less likely to intimidate children who respond with confidence or ignore them.
Teach your children about sexual harassment: In today’s society, bullying may take the form of sexual harassment, which can include a wide range of behaviors. Touching, grabbing, pinching, patting, overt or subtle sexual remarks, and derogatory jokes can all be types of sexual harassment. A recent study by the American Association of University Women showed that 81% of children have experienced unwanted sexual advances, many of which were dismissed as just flirting. Not many students report such incidents to teachers or parents, so parents need to teach children to respect the bodies and physical boundaries of other children, and talk to and adult if another child sexually harasses them.
Teach your children about the dangers of gangs: Gang violence is becoming an increasingly serious problem in urban areas. Gang activities are beginning to spread into suburban and rural communities as well, with gang members engaging in vandalism, assault, theft, and drugs. The threat posed by gangs is a serious one, so parents should take steps to prevent their children from even considering joining a gang, no matter how much they are pressured to do so. Children can be attracted to gangs because of the friendship, support, and bonding they seem to offer, or they may feel threatened by other children trying to bully them into joining. Parents need to help children understand that gang members who bully them may not just be mean, they may be violent as well.
Teach your children to talk to you: The most important thing parents can do to help ensure that their children don’t fall pretty to bullies is to keep communication lines open and encourage children to share information. Talk to your children; ask about their schoolmates; spend time with each child every day; know the names and families of their friends; let your children know that if they encounter bullying behavior from anyone at school, they should talk to you about it immediately. If your child does voice concerns about being bullied, respond with patience, love, and support, and if necessary, contact school officials to alert them to the problem.
Children who are being bullied may exhibit symptoms that parents should know to watch for. Withdrawal, a drop in grades or academic performance, emotional outbursts, chronic anxiety, insomnia, fear of going to school, and signs of physical abuse are all indicators that something is very wrong. Parents should know their children well enough to be able to tell when something has changed, and they should be able to discuss those changes with their children to see what the problem is.
If you do everything you can to help your child deal successfully with bullying behavior at school, not only will it make school a more enjoyable environment for your child, it will help your child develop the assertive, confident interpersonal skills necessary to survive and overcome challenges he or she will face as an adult.
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